Not much to update for me on the medical front. My physical therapy is on hold because I'm getting worse instead of better, so they're worried the exercises are doing it. But we just DON'T KNOW, maybe I'm just getting worse in general cause it's not just my pain that's getting worse
My Neurologist is taking me seriously now though. My Pain Doctor witnessed one of my attacks (where I struggle to breathe cause I'm in so much pain and start crying and I'm just a complete mess, it's horrible and it happens a lot) So she noted this in the system and my Neuro was able to read about it. And he basically backtracked on everything he'd said the last time I saw him (how he KNEW what I had, central pain syndrome and, sucks for you bye) now he's saying "I don't know what's going on here". He ordered two MRI's which I did get (on my pelvis and my lower back) and an EMG which I won't be able to get until July because insurance. I just turned 26 and according to the government, that means I can no longer use my parent's insurance. But I can't work, yet I don't qualify for medicade so it's a bunch of YOU'RE SO FUCKED.
Lucky for me, my dad helped (did most of the work) and got me some new insurance through the obamacare plan which I really don't qualify for either, but it won't take effect until July. It's expensive. I've applied for Disability, hoping I get it so I can help pay for the insurance, but that's a long process and it's very likely I'll be told no. I have reached the stage where they're contacting all of my doctors though, and my doctors are on my side with this.
IN NON MEDICAL NEWS. I'm replaying Final Fantasy VII cause I got an urge. I love that game so much. At the same time, I started replaying Crisis Core. I ask for this pain. BECAUSE EMULATORS ARE COOL I intend on playing Chrono Trigger next. I've never played it, but I wanna play a pixel game and it's something I've always wanted to play. I also have Final Fantasy (FF1) and Earthbound in the wings, haven't played those either
AND I AM SO EXCITED THAT FLIGHT RISING IS OPENING REGISTRATION. YA'LL HAVE NO IDEA. DRAGONS.
I'm really fortunate I have a good friend (Puck!) who gets me out of the house as often as she can. She takes me to movies a lot too, which I'm eternally grateful for. We've seen Spider-Man 2 (GREAT) Godzilla (LOVED IT) X-Men (VERY GOOD) this month and she's taking me to see Maleficent today. I've been physically low the past few days, but it's a movie, the place we go has recliners that are comfortable, I'm medicated, and I wanna try. I wanna see this movie.
I had another skin "surgery" this time on my leg, upper left thigh (minor minor, I was awake and it took a few minutes). I believe it’s four stitches? To have a spot taken out. I asked and she told me it’s not melanoma but it’s a level above dysplastic. Basically it was about to mutate into melanoma within the coming weeks. According to the pathologist it was extremely severe, but not cancer just yet. IDK how they determine this but at least we got it.
So yeah. My body is determined to give me cancer. Honestly I'm waiting for it to manage it. I was so close the first time. Then again, we also weren't watching everything like a hawk like we are now. So I dunno. Just go see the dermatologist every three months for the rest of my life and continue to have moles taken off and little surgeries till I'm smothered in scars? Ehhhhhefjknd
I finally see the rheumatologist on tuesday. Seeing as the two neurologists at the med school believe I have chronic pain syndrome, I'm hoping that'll narrow things down (it can be caused by auto immune diseases, and I haven't experienced any of the other causes) doctors and me at this point though. I'm worried I'll go in and he'll just shrug and go idk like everyone else has. I can't even keep up with my physical therapy anymore I'm in too much pain. It's just getting worse and worse and now I get bad vertigo and my vision is getting to a point where I don't know what I'm looking at sometimes. I'm CONSTANTLY dehydrated. I'm either freezing cold or blazing hot (but I dont shiver/get goosebumps nor do I sweat. I have the ability to do both cause if it's actually cold or hot, I shiver or I sweat but it's like I get these flashes and my body doesn't react, other being severely uncomfortable)
They tried to take my blood the other day and i got stuck EIGHT TIMES cause they couldn't get a vein they've become so narrow. and they never did get any blood. I have to go back soon to try again.
IN THE LESS DEPRESSING NEWS
I've been playing MASS EFFECT and it is FANTASTIC. I think I'm getting close to the end of the first game (or at the very least I'm past the half way point) and goooooosh I love it. No one spoil me for ANYTHING but I just adore it. I'm playing as a guy (Dave Shepard, he's a lovely black man with green eyes and fluffy black hair who acts like captain america in space) and Tali is my homegirl. I also really like Garrus. And Kaiden is growing on me.
Both are SYNDROMES, caused by SOMETHING not just diseases on their own. Looks like both are caused by autoimmune disorders (SHOCKER) and my appointment with the rheumatologist is finally on the 25th so we'll see where things go from there.
ALSO I'm having another mini surgery cause my body is determined to kill me. One of my moles on my leg is pre-melanoma so I'm having basically the same procedure I did on my back. I'm awake, but they remove skin and tissue and I get a new scar.
I already have two badges in the gameplay and I'm about to get on the SS ANN. But I'm having fun, taking lots of notes, writing it in my head, laying out the story. GOODTIMES MAN. I hope I keep up with it. I have a tendency to get excited about new projects and just start them and then NEVER finish them.
So yeah. Hopefully I will stay motivated. This was fun to draw, and I wanna use it to help me improve (which means note to self, less close ups more full bodies even if they look crappy just do it anyway)
Any of ya'll ever done a nuzlocke run? Or read one you really like? I love reading them so pass them my way if you have any you wanna share c:
I have a lot of redness and swelling, and pain that comes and goes, and it didn't go away with a course of antibiotics. And now there is a couple lumps. One was up high, where there's pain and it was previously accredited to the idea I have an infection so my lymph nodes are swollen. Now there's another under a red area on the other side down low. Its directly under a red area so I thought maybe cyst? And that's probably likely.
That's on the left. On the right there's some red and swelling. And she pushed a spot and told me "Does this feel tender?" I told her no and she didn't say anything. I don't feel anything there, so I dunno what that was. The skin looks odd there, it may be why she asked. The nipples look completely different on each breast (ones always swollen up and the other looks flat.) but there's only pain in the left.
Having problems in BOTH breasts is really uncommon if it's anything to worry about, that's why initially she thought infection. But it's not going away. So she said we need to do this, considering my history.
One thing after another. It never stops.
Thursday is my autonomic testing to determine if I have POTS or not, and checking whatever else while I'm there.
Heeeeey. It has been a long, long time since I've played. These caps are actually old. I just hadn't gotten around to posting them. I'm having a trjnfkl month, doing physical therapy twice a week and I have a newly discovered (yet unknown as to why it's happening) breathing issue. So it's a joy. But I was thinking about this so I thought I'd do it ONWARD
I have been having breathing issues. I cannot take a deep breath in. If I force it, it's extremely uncomfortable and sometimes even painful. I mean, my pain management physiologist "made" me do deep breathing and the result was it feeling like I was having a heart attack.
And everyday, especially since then, it is getting harder and harder, and there is this pain flaring out deep in my chest. We are 99% sure it's not my heart (all the tests we've done, plus I did have an EKG Tuesday and everything seems fine) and the pain isn't in the right place for it to be a heart issue.
But because of this, I went to see my primary (dad kept going 'why are we going?' and I was just. BREATHING IS IMPORTANT IDK) and she listened to me breathe and said she could hear me straining. So I did a test were I had to blow into a tube and it recorded both my lung power blowing out, and how much air I could breathe in. Both of those I did very poorly in. Not HORRIBLY so, but an obvious, okay there is a problem
So, she prescribed me an inhaler to see if that opens up my lungs and helps me breathe better/helps the discomfort. However, the other problem is my windpipe is getting smaller. I'd never been told this before until a couple months ago and now it's like, hey your windpipe is half the size it should be. I have lots of sore throats (that don't feel scratchy they feel swollen) and swallowing is a problem for me too, even though that's not windpipe per say.
I really don't know what's going on.
My Pain management psychologist though was SO sure my breathing problems were panic attack related or in my head somehow. So I kind of felt smug to bring him positive test results like, shut the fuck up. At the same time, NO. DO NOT MAKE IT SO I CAN'T BREATHE. NOT OKAY.
Also guess who still doesn't have their inhaler they got prescribed on Tuesday. My parents don't seem to understand that I'm being serious about the fact I can't breathe. I always complain about being dizzy, and heeeey lack of oxygen could cause that! MAYBE IF I COULD BREATHE. Course I also have the tendency to exhale then not inhale again for like 10 seconds or so. But that's something the doctor thinks is autonomic? And I am scheduled for a broad autonomic test on Feb 20th. So I guess we'll see what comes up. IDK
Also physical therapy has been murdering me, I swear my body is getting MORE sensitive. Which is the opposite of what I was told would happen
I was doing the breathing exercises as I was instructed to do from my pain management therapist. Deep breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth, for about three minutes, relax. Try not to focus on anything.
Then hell broke loose. My chest went super super tight as soon as I got up, it felt like something heavy was sitting on top of it, I started sinking to the floor cause I couldn’t breathe. I had to grab at the door frame to keep myself up. Then my throat started feeling like it was locking up.
Fortunately this didn’t last a long time. My throat is still super tense and feels sore, but not nearly as bad as it was and I can breathe again, and my chest feels… uncomfortable? I took my blood pressure, it’s 100/60 and my pulse is 68. Good pulse, BP is a touch low but nothing dangerous.
IDK what happened. I don’t know if it was a combo of the breathing plus me standing up too soon afterwards and my body went NOPE. SHUT IT DOWN (I mean, they do think I have POTS) or if it was just the breathing in general. Or the standing, and the breathing was a coincidence.
It doesn’t make me wanna do it again.
Fortunately I see the actual DOCTOR tomorrow during my pain management appointments, so at least for once my body timed it right so I am seeing a doctor tomorrow morning.
If I get yelled at for not going to the ER I’m just going to point at my dad
Hi guys c: Hope everyone is having a good finals time. And good leading up to Christmas/Holiday Break time. Combo of pain flares and playing other games probably will slow Sims posts down but I ain't stopping. I've been playing Tales of the Abyss if anyone's played that? I'm only a few hours in. I also just beat Bowser's Inside Story it was so good @_@ If you notice a change in their eyes (it's gradual) I decided to change the defaults I was using. But my game didn't switch it right away. So. Anyway, ONWARD TO SIMS